If you are close to the person experiencing the loss:

• Be present as soon as possible.
• Talk openly about the loss.
• Listen- it is the most important thing you can do.
• Share stories, thoughts and remembrances of the deceased.
• Offer to help with chores, meals and shopping.
• Continue to be attentive after the initial shock and disbelief begin to ease.
• Be sensitive about dates that might be upsetting, such as the anniversary of death, as well as holidays, the deceased person’s birthday or a wedding anniversary.
• Remember that it’s not necessary to carry the total burden of another person’s grief.

• Send a card or flowers with a note expressing sympathy.
• Say, “I’m sorry.” That is a message that most grieving people want to hear. Beyond that, be careful; a grieving person may misinterpret even statements made with the best of intentions.
• Stay in touch with follow-up phone calls, cards or notes.
• After a reasonable time, initiate a lunch or other social event that does not center on your friend’s grief or recovery.

• Don’t equate a loss you have experienced to your friend’s.
• Don’t proselytize about your religion.
• Don’t relate death horror stories.
• Don’t philosophize about your mortality.
• Don’t give your friend how to live his or her life.
• Don’t be too accepting of a response indicating “everything is fine.”
• Don’t dish out pity.
• Don’t be too cheerful or expect your friend to be too upbeat or optimistic.

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